Nazarene Space

From my Wife Inga "Kitty" Trimm's Facebook page:

This has been all sorts of emotions to look back at this. Not seeing any of these until just now a year later. Oh I knew about some stuff but of course not all.

This is the day that I almost died the 2nd time. I do remember that morning going in. Making sure that I was coming back to PCU (Progressive Care Unit. Patients admitted to the PCU need close monitoring and extra nursing care for their condition, but not at the same level of intensity as patients in the ICU.) and not the ICU. Granted they didn't know how bad off I was. 1 hour of surgery turned into 5. My husband said he actually got a phone call from my surgeon to update him that there were complications and they didn't know how long I would be in surgery. This is also where I was cut up bad. The pain I woke up to 3 days later I believe was excruciating. I will never forget that moment when my eyes opened and I had a ventilator in my mouth and immediately knew I was back in ICU and how my heart just sank, I knew I was bad off. The doctor and my husband trying to calm me telling me they couldn't remove the ventilator because it was breathing for me, I would die without it. Words you never expect to hear. This would be the day that would changed me. A year later, I am still not me, don't know if I will be again. It has been a rough day. I also saw my pain management doctor today and they are having to refer me out because of new laws and medications. One year later and I can barely touch my scars without huge amounts of pain. I have an appointment to see my other doctor to see if they can get to the bottom of it because I am having all sorts of issues. Being well is not something I have known in this last year and it is very frustrating and at times hard to deal with. I try my best to keep upbeat and I do try to look at the positive that I didn't die and that I am not alone. I don't think I would be alive if it hadn't been for my husband and my mom support and love. You don't know how bad it gets. It got so bad there were days, I was begging my husband to end my life. I wish I could forget these memories. Not even Facebook's fault. I remember as soon as the clock hit midnight yesterday and literally broke down telling my husband I know it's stupid but you don't understand how painful it was and I remember that pain oh how I wish I wouldn't. I am sorry for the posting and I know it's not easy to see or read and people look at you like your not there now that is what counts. Yeah that does count but it is also not where I wanted to be a year later still on pain pills and just struggling to make it through. My past surgeries I was on pain pills for 3 to 4 months max after major surgeries. This time is not the case and as I told my doctor today, I so wish I could get off these but even with them I struggle through out the day, just not as bad.

How to end this well not to sure. It is just a time I needed to get this all down and someone other than my husband see how I am my feelings inside. How this still affects me and how I pray every day this would end. It is my struggle and it just doesn't seem to be an end in site.

If you read this through thank you. This is where I leave it...

You can donate to my wife's GoFundMe Page here:

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Comment by Suzanne Utts on August 29, 2019 at 10:27am

Dear Miss Kitty,

I am so sorry to read about all the pain you have been through.  Not only are you suffering pain, you are grieving the person you once were. Many times folks don't understand that.  The old adage "He turned my scars into stars." seems far away when one is in constant pain. People think "That person is depressed."  When really, they are terribly SAD because the life they once had is gone.

However I believe, Miss Kitty, that G-d still has a good plan for your life. He has plans to bless you and your husband. Maybe you will never have the energy you had 10 years ago (who of us does?), but not every job for the L-rd requires the kind of strength we needed 10 yrs ago.  (Right now, I don't have a ton of energy but I have more time for study and prayer than I had 10 years ago, and back then I surely had no clue I would lose my husband to Alzheimers YEARS before I was thinking I would lose him. All his ancestors lived to be 85 or older. I sure wasn't thinking I would lose him at age 77.)   Anyway, enough about me, this is about you.   You are hurting and I am praying for you to be released from that in Yeshua's Name.

So though I can't help you financially, I sure can and will pray for you. Also perhaps some of the following information is something you can use to get pain relief and get your healing.

There is an Osteopathic Doc in Texas, Dr. Richard Becker. He is on some Christian tv stations. However he also has youtube videos that you can watch. He gives wonderful nutritional information including info about pain relief using natural things like Noni Juice to help ease pain and promote healing.  I encourage you to watch and take notes. If you can get to his clinic that would help too. He is a compassionate man and I believe he would try to help you. He has several tv programs per month where people call in and he gives them free information on how to help themselves and he sends them the products that they need.  Every little bit that you can ease the pain, it allows your body to heal and it allows the pain meds to work more efficiently.

Another suggestion and this might be the best one ever for you is to watch youtube videos of "Praying Medic". He is a retired EMT and G-d has blessed him with a ministry of healing people who were riding in his ambulance. He now does seminars and has written books on how to receive healing, how to impart the healing to others etc.  I listen to his videos at night. His voice is calming and after a long day it is a blessing to listen to him and to learn. I believe that G-d wants to heal you and this man's teachings may be the key to that for you.

Miss Kitty, you might not believe it now but I believe that after you are healed, you will be laying hands on people and praying for their healings. 

So, In the Name of Yeshua, I speak healing to your body, Kitty. Bones!  Nerves!  Organs! Scar tissue!  Be healed in the Name of Jesus. Pain, lessen because healing is happening. Strength will return before winter arrives!  I speak to your spirit, receive the comfort of the Ruach, and the peace that passes all understanding.  I pray that "My G-d shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus". I pray that over your finances, over your automobile, your home. Abba these servants of Yours work diligently in your fields, and I pray for all to be well with them. I pray for favor upon them in every way. Thank You Abba for answering our prayers.  Amen!

Keep speaking the Word out over your body. "With His stripes I am healed!" I am well.  Then take action. Do what you can do. Each day you will do a little bit more. In a year from now you will look back and see how far you have come.

You are a testimony to your doctors. 

I am gently exhorting you to "keep putting one foot in front of the other."  If we have a flash drive that has an anti-virus/malware product for our computer, we use it. If we don't, the computer problem will still be there. That flash drive might take hours to clean out all the stuff in our computers. Our bodies and spirit are the same, The Bible is G-d's "malware" anti-virus download to us.  It washes us through and through and it is HEALING to us. It is His will to heal you.  

My budget is set for this month but I will donate something after all my bills are paid.

In Messiah,

Suzanne Utts


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