From my Wife Inga "Kitty" Trimm's Facebook page:
This has been all sorts of emotions to look back at this. Not seeing any of these until just now a year later. Oh I knew about some stuff but of course not all.
This is the day that I almost died the 2nd time. I do remember that morning going in. Making sure that I was coming back to PCU (Progressive Care Unit. Patients admitted to the PCU need close monitoring and extra nursing care for their condition, but not at the same level of intensity as patients in the ICU.) and not the ICU. Granted they didn't know how bad off I was. 1 hour of surgery turned into 5. My husband said he actually got a phone call from my surgeon to update him that there were complications and they didn't know how long I would be in surgery. This is also where I was cut up bad. The pain I woke up to 3 days later I believe was excruciating. I will never forget that moment when my eyes opened and I had a ventilator in my mouth and immediately knew I was back in ICU and how my heart just sank, I knew I was bad off. The doctor and my husband trying to calm me telling me they couldn't remove the ventilator because it was breathing for me, I would die without it. Words you never expect to hear. This would be the day that would changed me. A year later, I am still not me, don't know if I will be again. It has been a rough day. I also saw my pain management doctor today and they are having to refer me out because of new laws and medications. One year later and I can barely touch my scars without huge amounts of pain. I have an appointment to see my other doctor to see if they can get to the bottom of it because I am having all sorts of issues. Being well is not something I have known in this last year and it is very frustrating and at times hard to deal with. I try my best to keep upbeat and I do try to look at the positive that I didn't die and that I am not alone. I don't think I would be alive if it hadn't been for my husband and my mom support and love. You don't know how bad it gets. It got so bad there were days, I was begging my husband to end my life. I wish I could forget these memories. Not even Facebook's fault. I remember as soon as the clock hit midnight yesterday and literally broke down telling my husband I know it's stupid but you don't understand how painful it was and I remember that pain oh how I wish I wouldn't. I am sorry for the posting and I know it's not easy to see or read and people look at you like your not there now that is what counts. Yeah that does count but it is also not where I wanted to be a year later still on pain pills and just struggling to make it through. My past surgeries I was on pain pills for 3 to 4 months max after major surgeries. This time is not the case and as I told my doctor today, I so wish I could get off these but even with them I struggle through out the day, just not as bad.
How to end this well not to sure. It is just a time I needed to get this all down and someone other than my husband see how I am my feelings inside. How this still affects me and how I pray every day this would end. It is my struggle and it just doesn't seem to be an end in site.
If you read this through thank you. This is where I leave it...
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